The Ultimate Guide for Fibromyalgia and ADHD

Empowering you to navigate chronic illness and neurodiversity with compassion and practical, modern strategies.

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Learn & Understand

Understanding Fibromyalgia: A Hyper-Alert Alarm System

At its core, fibromyalgia is driven by a process called Central Sensitisation. The simplest way to understand this is to imagine your nervous system is your body's alarm system. In fibromyalgia, this system has become faulty and hyper-alert.

The 'volume knob' for pain gets stuck on maximum, and the 'threat detector' becomes incredibly sensitive. This means even non-painful sensations—like the touch of clothing or a change in temperature—can trigger the alarm, causing real, widespread pain. Keeping this alarm running 24/7 is exhausting, draining your physical and mental batteries and leading to profound fatigue and 'fibro fog'.

Common Symptoms Include:

Widespread, chronic pain: Often described as an aching, burning, or throbbing sensation.
Profound fatigue: An overwhelming tiredness not relieved by sleep, caused by the nervous system being in constant overdrive.
Cognitive difficulties ("Fibro Fog"): Impaired ability to focus, concentrate, and remember.
Increased sensitivity: Heightened reactions to touch, light, sounds, and temperatures.

Understanding ADHD: An 'Interest-Based' Brain

ADHD is a neurological condition that primarily affects executive functions—the management system of the brain. A helpful way to think about it is that the ADHD brain runs on an 'interest-based' nervous system, not an 'importance-based' one.

This is driven by the brain's unique relationship with the neurotransmitter dopamine, the chemical responsible for motivation and reward. When a task is boring, the ADHD brain doesn't produce enough dopamine to 'switch on' and get started. This isn't a flaw in character; it's a difference in neurochemistry. It impacts your ability to plan, organise, start tasks, and manage time and emotions.

Common Challenges Include:

Executive Dysfunction: Difficulty with planning, prioritising, and initiating tasks.
Inattention & Distractibility: Trouble sustaining focus on non-engaging tasks.
Hyperfocus: The ability to get completely absorbed in a highly interesting task, often losing track of time and bodily needs.
Emotional Dysregulation: Heightened emotional responses and difficulty managing frustration or disappointment.

The Fibromyalgia & ADHD Link: A Shared Connection

The link between fibromyalgia and ADHD is not a coincidence; it's rooted in the overlapping functions of key brain chemicals, especially dopamine and norepinephrine. These are the very same neurotransmitters that regulate attention and mood in ADHD, and they also play a crucial role in how the central nervous system regulates pain, sleep, and energy.

This creates a 'perfect storm' where the two conditions can amplify each other. For example, the ADHD trait of hyperfocus can make you ignore your body's signs of fatigue, leading to a 'boom-and-bust' cycle that triggers a fibromyalgia flare-up. The two conditions combine to create a unique and challenging experience.

Fibro Tools

Spoon Theory Planner

The Spoon Theory is a metaphor to explain the reduced amount of energy available for daily activities for people with chronic illness.

How many spoons do you have today? 12

Click an activity to see its cost and track your remaining spoons:

Heated Blanket or Electric Throw

The Tool: A blanket with an internal heating element to provide consistent, gentle warmth.

Why It Works: Heat therapy increases blood flow to sore muscles, delivering oxygen and nutrients, which can help to reduce muscle stiffness and pain.

TENS Machine

The Tool: A small, battery-operated device with electrodes you place on your skin that delivers a mild electrical current.

Why It Works: The electrical pulses can "scramble" pain signals travelling to the brain and stimulate the production of endorphins.

Magnesium Supplements or Epsom Salt Baths

The Tool: Taking magnesium supplements (check with a doctor) or soaking in an Epsom salt bath.

Why It Works: Magnesium helps relax muscles and can calm the nervous system by blocking certain brain receptors involved in amplifying pain signals.

Acupressure Mat

The Tool: A mat covered in small plastic spikes that you lie on for short periods.

Why It Works: The pressure from the spikes is thought to release endorphins and oxytocin, promoting relaxation and pain relief.

Topical Pain Relievers

The Tool: Gels, creams, or patches containing ingredients like capsaicin, menthol, or CBD.

Why It Works: These work locally to cool, desensitize, or reduce inflammation in specific painful areas.

Soft Tissue Massage

The Tool: Gentle massage from a professional, or using foam rollers or massage balls at home.

Why It Works: Focuses on releasing tightness in the fascia (connective tissue), improving circulation and reducing muscle tension.

Compression Gloves or Socks

The Tool: Snug-fitting garments providing gentle, constant pressure to the hands or feet.

Why It Works: The pressure can reduce swelling, improve blood flow, and provide a soothing sensory input that distracts from pain.

Hydrotherapy Pool

The Tool: A warm water pool used for gentle exercise and movement.

Why It Works: The warmth relaxes muscles and the buoyancy of the water supports body weight, allowing for movement with less pain.

Pacing

The Tool: The conscious practice of balancing activity and rest to stay within your energy limits.

Why It Works: Pacing prevents the "boom and bust" cycle by helping to regulate the autonomic nervous system and avoid triggering post-exertional malaise.

A Shower Stool

The Tool: A waterproof stool or chair that allows you to sit down while showering.

Why It Works: Standing, heat, and the effort of washing can be a huge energy drain. A shower stool conserves vital energy and makes daily hygiene less of a battle.

The 'Spoon Theory'

The Tool: A mental model where you start each day with a limited number of "spoons" (units of energy).

Why It Works: A cognitive tool for conceptualising and managing limited energy, forcing you to prioritise and make conscious choices about your activities.

A Perching Stool for the Kitchen

The Tool: A high stool for sitting at a semi-standing height at a kitchen counter.

Why It Works: Reduces the muscular effort of standing for long periods while cooking or washing up, preventing fatigue and pain from building up.

Online Grocery Shopping and Delivery

The Tool: Using supermarket websites or apps to have your food delivered.

Why It Works: A supermarket trip is incredibly demanding (walking, sensory overload). Offloading this task saves an enormous amount of physical and mental energy.

A "Crash Kit"

The Tool: A pre-prepared box with everything for a bad flare day: painkillers, heat pad, comfy clothes, snacks, water, charger.

Why It Works: During a flare, decision-making is almost impossible. A kit removes the need to think or search, reducing stress and allowing you to get comfort immediately.

Activity and Symptom Diary

The Tool: A notebook or app where you log daily activities and your corresponding pain and fatigue levels.

Why It Works: This provides data to help you identify your personal limits and triggers, allowing you to learn to pace more effectively.

Setting One Priority Per Day

The Tool: Deciding on just one main thing you want to achieve that day and focusing your energy on that.

Why It Works: This combats overwhelm, provides a clear focus, and gives a sense of accomplishment without causing the crash that trying to do everything would.

Voice-Activated Assistants

The Tool: Using smart speakers or your phone to verbally set reminders, timers, and alarms.

Why It Works: Capturing a thought the moment it occurs removes the cognitive load of having to hold it in your impaired working memory.

A Large Whiteboard

The Tool: A large whiteboard in a central location for key appointments, shopping lists, and reminders.

Why It Works: Acts as a large, unmissable "external hard drive" for your brain, reducing the mental effort of trying to recall information.

Pill Organiser Box

The Tool: A box with compartments for each day of the week to organise medications.

Why It Works: Automates the process of taking medication and provides a simple visual check, reducing stress and ensuring adherence.

Checklists for Routines

The Tool: Laminated, reusable checklists for multi-step routines like leaving the house.

Why It Works: Offloads the task from your working memory, ensuring you don't miss crucial steps and reducing the anxiety of trying to remember everything.

Simplified Cooking

The Tool: Using meal delivery kits, slow cookers, or sticking to simple, familiar recipes.

Why It Works: Reduces the significant executive function (planning, sequencing, multitasking) required to follow a complex recipe during a flare.

'Brain Dump' Notebook

The Tool: Keeping a dedicated notebook to immediately write down any worrying thoughts, ideas, or to-dos.

Why It Works: Ruminating and trying to 'hold' information is mentally exhausting. Writing them down gets them out of your head, freeing up cognitive resources.

Single-Tasking

The Tool: Making a conscious effort to do only one thing at a time.

Why It Works: Multitasking is especially taxing for a brain with 'fibro fog'. Single-tasking allows the brain to direct all its limited processing power to one activity.

Word-Finding Strategies

The Tool: Give yourself permission to describe a word ("the metal thing you open tins with") instead of struggling for it.

Why It Works: Stress worsens cognitive function. Accepting the difficulty and using a workaround reduces the pressure, which can paradoxically make it easier for the word to appear.

A Strict Sleep Schedule

The Tool: Going to bed and getting up at the same time every single day, even on weekends.

Why It Works: Helps to regulate your body's internal clock (circadian rhythm), promoting the timely release of sleep and wakefulness hormones.

Blackout Curtains

The Tool: Heavy, dark curtains that block all external light from your bedroom.

Why It Works: The brain needs darkness to produce the sleep hormone melatonin. Even small amounts of light can disrupt this process.

Blue Light Filtering

The Tool: Avoiding screens for at least an hour before bed, or using 'night mode' settings.

Why It Works: The blue light from screens suppresses melatonin production, tricking the brain into thinking it's still daytime.

A 'Wind-Down' Routine

The Tool: A consistent, relaxing 30-60 minute routine before bed, such as a warm bath or reading a book.

Why It Works: Signals to your brain and body that it's time to prepare for sleep, helping to lower stress hormones.

A Cool Bedroom

The Tool: Keeping your bedroom temperature cool, typically between 16-18°C (60-65°F).

Why It Works: Your body's core temperature naturally drops to prepare for sleep. A cool room facilitates this key physiological trigger.

Body Pillow or Support Cushions

The Tool: Using pillows to support your body, especially between the knees and under the arms.

Why It Works: Pain can prevent deep sleep. Pillows take pressure off sensitive points like the hips, back, and shoulders, reducing pain signals.

Mindfulness or Guided Meditation Apps

The Tool: Using an app like Calm or Headspace to guide you through short mindfulness exercises.

Why It Works: Trains the brain to focus on the present without judgment, which can break the cycle of catastrophising about pain.

Gratitude Journaling

The Tool: Each day, writing down three specific things you are grateful for, no matter how small.

Why It Works: This practice actively shifts your focus away from pain and limitations towards positive aspects of your life, which can improve mood and reduce stress.

Radical Acceptance

The Tool: Acknowledging and accepting your symptoms without judgment or fighting them. It's not giving up; it's stopping the exhausting war with reality.

Why It Works: Constantly fighting your symptoms keeps your body in a state of stress, which worsens pain. Acceptance calms the nervous system and frees up mental energy.

Setting Boundaries

The Tool: Learning to say "no" to requests or invitations that would push you beyond your energy or pain limits, without feeling guilty.

Why It Works: People-pleasing elevates stress hormones and leads to over-exertion. Setting firm boundaries is a crucial act of self-preservation that helps manage the condition.

Connecting with a Support Group

The Tool: Joining an online or in-person group of other people living with Fibromyalgia.

Why It Works: Social isolation worsens chronic pain. Feeling understood by others who share your experience is incredibly validating and reduces loneliness.

Mindful Self-Compassion

The Tool: Actively treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a struggling friend.

Why It Works: Self-criticism activates the body's threat system. Self-compassion does the opposite, activating the self-soothing system and creating feelings of safety and calm.

Your ADHD Toolkit

A collection of practical, science-backed tools and strategies to help you work with your ADHD brain. Click on a category to explore.

Time Timer or Visual Timers

The Tool: A timer that shows the passage of time visually, often with a coloured disc that disappears as time runs out.

Why It Works: Addresses 'time blindness' by making time tangible and visible, reducing anxiety and creating a sense of urgency that helps with task initiation.

The Pomodoro Technique

The Tool: Work in focused 25-minute intervals, separated by 5-minute breaks. After four sessions, take a longer break.

Why It Works: The short bursts of work are less daunting, and the scheduled breaks give the ADHD brain the novelty and rest it craves.

Analogue Clocks

The Tool: Using a traditional clock with hands instead of a digital one.

Why It Works: Shows time as a physical distance the hands have to travel, which helps in planning and understanding time in relation to future events.

Block Scheduling

The Tool: Dividing your day into specific blocks of time and assigning one task or category of tasks to each block.

Why It Works: Reduces cognitive load. Instead of constantly deciding what to do next, the decisions are already made, providing a clear roadmap.

'Time to Leave' Alarms

The Tool: Setting an alarm for when you need to *start getting ready* to leave, not for when you need to leave.

Why It Works: Counteracts time blindness and poor transition management by creating an external cue that forces the brain to shift gears.

Two-Minute Rule

The Tool: If a task takes less than two minutes, do it immediately instead of putting it off.

Why It Works: It takes more mental effort to store and remember the task later than it does to just complete it on the spot.

Personalised Daily Planners

The Tool: Using a paper or digital planner that works for *you*, not a standard one.

Why It Works: A personalised system aligns with how your brain works, making you more likely to use it. The physical act of writing also improves memory.

Weekly Review

The Tool: Set aside 30 minutes at the end of each week to look at what you accomplished and what’s coming up next week.

Why It Works: This structured routine offloads mental stress, organises upcoming tasks, and provides a sense of control and accomplishment.

Noise-Cancelling Headphones

The Tool: Headphones that actively block out ambient noise.

Why It Works: The ADHD brain struggles to filter out irrelevant sounds. These reduce auditory distractions, freeing up cognitive resources to focus.

Binaural Beats or Brown Noise

The Tool: Listening to specific frequencies of sound designed to aid focus.

Why It Works: These sounds can mask distracting external noises with a constant, predictable sound that is soothing for an ADHD brain.

Fidget Tools

The Tool: Small objects like fidget spinners, cubes, or putty to keep the hands busy.

Why It Works: Provides a low-level motor outlet for the brain's need for stimulation, which can actually improve focus on a cognitive task.

'Body Doubling'

The Tool: Working alongside another person, either physically in the same room or virtually over a video call.

Why It Works: The presence of another person provides external stimulation and gentle social accountability, which is crucial for focus and motivation.

Website Blockers

The Tool: Apps or browser extensions (like Freedom) that block access to distracting websites for a set period.

Why It Works: Acts as an "external prefrontal cortex" by removing the temptation for a dopamine-seeking brain to switch to a more rewarding activity.

Decluttered Workspace

The Tool: Keeping only the essential items for your current task on your desk.

Why It Works: Every item in your visual field is a distraction. A clear space means fewer distractions and a lower cognitive load.

Task-Specific Playlists

The Tool: Creating playlists of familiar, often instrumental, music for specific types of tasks.

Why It Works: Familiar music can regulate mood and alertness without being a novelty-driven distraction, acting like an auditory fidget.

Chewing Gum

The Tool: Chewing gum while working on a task that requires concentration.

Why It Works: The act of chewing increases blood flow to the brain and can increase alertness, providing a simple motor output that helps focus.

"The Launch Pad"

The Tool: A designated spot by the door where you *always* put your essentials: keys, wallet, phone.

Why It Works: This outsources your working memory. Instead of trying to remember where your keys are, you build a strong motor habit.

Tile or Apple AirTag Trackers

The Tool: Small Bluetooth trackers you can attach to frequently lost items.

Why It Works: A practical solution for working memory deficits. It reduces the immense stress and lost time associated with searching for items.

To-Do Lists (The Right Way)

The Tool: Create a "Master List" of everything, then each day pull just 3-5 priority tasks onto a daily list.

Why It Works: A huge list is overwhelming and triggers paralysis. A short, daily list is achievable and provides a clear focus.

Voice Notes and Memo Apps

The Tool: Using your phone to immediately record thoughts, ideas, or reminders as they pop into your head.

Why It Works: An idea can disappear as quickly as it arrives. Capturing it instantly offloads it from your fragile working memory.

Smart Home Devices

The Tool: Using devices like Alexa or Google Home to set verbal reminders, timers, or add to shopping lists.

Why It Works: Removes the friction of having to find your phone, unlock it, and open an app, capturing the intention in the moment.

See-Through Storage Boxes

The Tool: Organising items in clear containers instead of opaque ones.

Why It Works: Addresses "out of sight, out of mind." Clear boxes allow you to see what you own, reducing the chance you'll forget about it.

A "Doom Box"

The Tool: A "Don't Organise, Just Manage" box. Put everything in one designated box to deal with later.

Why It Works: A coping strategy for overwhelm. It allows you to quickly tidy a space, reducing anxiety without the pressure of a full organisation project.

Password Manager

The Tool: An app (like LastPass or 1Password) that securely stores all your passwords.

Why It Works: Completely offloads the working memory task of recalling dozens of different passwords, saving enormous frustration.

Weighted Blankets

The Tool: A heavy blanket used to calm the nervous system.

Why It Works: The firm, gentle pressure calms the 'fight or flight' response and activates the 'rest and digest' response, reducing anxiety.

Emotional Vocabulary Chart

The Tool: A chart or wheel with a wide range of words for feelings.

Why It Works: Putting a name to a feeling (affect labelling) has been shown to reduce the activity in the amygdala, the brain's emotional alarm centre.

A "Rage Walk" or Intense Exercise

The Tool: When feeling angry or overwhelmed, engage in a short burst of intense physical activity.

Why It Works: Burns off stress hormones like cortisol and releases mood-boosting endorphins, allowing the brain to calm down.

Mindful Breathing

The Tool: Focusing on your breath, particularly making the exhale longer than the inhale (e.g., breathe in for 4, out for 6).

Why It Works: A long exhale stimulates the vagus nerve, which physically calms the 'fight or flight' response and reduces acute anxiety.

Sensory-Friendly Clothing

The Tool: Choosing soft, seamless, tag-less clothing that doesn't irritate you.

Why It Works: A scratchy label can be a constant irritant that drains cognitive resources and increases irritability. Removing this sensory "noise" frees up brainpower.

Sunglasses (Even Indoors)

The Tool: Wearing sunglasses in brightly lit environments like supermarkets.

Why It Works: Reduces the overall sensory load on the brain, preventing overwhelm and making it easier to function in challenging environments.

The HALT Check-in

The Tool: When you feel dysregulated, ask yourself: "Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?"

Why It Works: Externalises the check-in process, helping you identify a basic physical need that might be the root cause of your emotional distress.

A "Happy" or "Calm" Folder

The Tool: A digital or physical folder filled with things that make you feel good: funny memes, nice messages, photos of pets.

Why It Works: When feeling low or rejected, you can actively expose yourself to positive stimuli to help shift your emotional state.

Gamification

The Tool: Turning boring tasks into a game. Race against a timer, use habit-tracking apps with levels, or create a points system.

Why It Works: Artificially adds novelty and interest to mundane tasks, providing the dopamine boost needed to get started and stay engaged.

Set the Bar Ridiculously Low

The Tool: To overcome task paralysis, commit to the absolute smallest possible version of it. "Put one plate in the dishwasher," not "clean the kitchen."

Why It Works: The biggest hurdle is often starting. This bypasses the brain's threat response to a large task. Momentum often makes it easier to continue.

Temptation Bundling

The Tool: Pair an activity you *want* to do with an activity you *have* to do. (e.g., only watch Netflix while on the treadmill).

Why It Works: Links an instant reward to a less desirable task. The anticipation of the enjoyable activity provides the dopamine hit needed to start.

Accountability Partner

The Tool: Find a friend to whom you report your progress on a specific goal.

Why It Works: Creates external accountability, which is often more powerful than internal motivation for the ADHD brain.

"Done is Better Than Perfect" Mantra

The Tool: Adopting this phrase as a personal mantra and writing it where you can see it.

Why It Works: Gives you permission to complete a task to a "good enough" standard, breaking the cycle of perfectionism-induced paralysis.

Pre-Task Ritual

The Tool: Create a short, simple ritual you do every time before you start a difficult task (e.g., make a cup of tea, put on a specific playlist).

Why It Works: Rituals act as a behavioural cue. Over time, your brain associates this ritual with settling down to focus, automating the process of starting work.

Identify Your "Why"

The Tool: Before a task, connect it to a personal value, interest, or goal. Why is this important *to you*?

Why It Works: Finding a personal connection taps into the brain's interest-based attention system, creating the internal motivation needed to tackle the task.

A Practical Toolkit for Parents & Kids

Receiving an ADHD diagnosis for your child can feel overwhelming. It brings a mix of emotions: perhaps relief at having an explanation, but also anxiety about what it means for the future. Here is a guide to what family members need to know, structured to be clear and easy to digest.

Start Here: Your First Steps

Before you dive into the details, start with these four things:

Take a Breath. It's normal to feel overwhelmed. You've just been given a new lens through which to see your child, and it takes time to adjust. This diagnosis is not a tragedy; it's a guide.
It Is Not Your Fault. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition. It is not caused by bad parenting, too much sugar, or laziness. You did not cause this.
It's an Explanation, Not an Excuse. The diagnosis explains the reason for your child's struggles. It doesn't excuse challenging behaviour, but it provides a context that allows you to address it with understanding and the right tools, rather than with frustration.
Listen to Your Child. They have likely been struggling for a long time, feeling different, or being told off for things they find incredibly difficult to control. The greatest gift you can give them right now is to say, "I see you, I believe you, and we're going to figure this out together."

To help your child, it's vital to understand what's going on in their brain. Forget the stereotypes of naughty boys bouncing off walls.

The Science in a Nutshell

Think of the ADHD brain as having the engine of a race car but the brakes of a bicycle. It has plenty of power, energy, and creativity, but the system responsible for controlling, directing, and slowing it down (the brakes) is less effective.

This "brake system" is known as the Executive Functions. These are the management skills of the brain, located in the prefrontal cortex. ADHD makes all of these skills unreliable. They include:

Impulse Control: The ability to stop and think before acting or speaking. (e.g., Blurting out answers, interrupting).
Emotional Regulation: The ability to manage feelings and not get overwhelmed by them. (e.g., Small frustrations leading to huge meltdowns).
Task Initiation: The ability to start a non-preferred task. This is often the hardest part. (e.g., The battle to begin homework).
Working Memory: The brain's "Post-it note" – holding information in mind to use it. (e.g., Forgetting instructions with multiple steps, constantly losing their PE kit).
Planning & Prioritisation: Looking ahead to see what needs to be done and in what order. (e.g., Leaving a big project until the last minute).

A key thing to understand is that the ADHD brain doesn't run on importance; it runs on interest. It's a brain that struggles to produce and regulate dopamine, the chemical linked to motivation. This is why your child can hyperfocus for hours on a video game they love but cannot bring themselves to spend five minutes on a boring worksheet. This is a matter of brain chemistry, not willpower.

Connection Before Correction

When your child is upset, their brain is in "fight or flight". Connect with them and help them calm down first. The conversation about behaviour can happen much later, when everyone is calm.

Externalise Everything

Use whiteboards, checklists, and a "Launch Pad" by the door for essentials. Don't expect them to remember; put it in the physical world to support their working memory.

Pick Your Battles

You can't address every ADHD behaviour. It will exhaust you and crush your child's self-esteem. Decide what really matters (e.g., safety, kindness) and try to let go of the small, irritating things.

Make Time Tangible

Children with ADHD have "time blindness." Use visual timers that show time disappearing and give verbal 10- and 5-minute warnings before transitions to help their brain prepare.

Praise the Effort, Not the Result

Notice when they *start* their homework, not just when they finish it. Praising the effort builds the motivation and self-esteem they need to keep trying.

Be an Ally, Not an Adversary

Approach the school as a team. You both want the same thing: for your child to succeed. A collaborative approach is always more effective than a confrontational one.

Share Information

Provide the school with a copy of the diagnostic report. The educational psychologist's recommendations are invaluable for creating an effective support plan.

Talk to the SENDCO

Schedule a meeting with the Special Educational Needs and Disability Coordinator to discuss "reasonable adjustments" like sitting at the front, using fidget tools, or getting extra time. These are not advantages; they are tools to level the playing field.

Medication: It is a personal family decision, best made with a specialist doctor. Think of it like glasses for the brain; it doesn't cure ADHD but can make the "brake system" more effective, allowing your child to access their intelligence and engage in learning and therapy.
Therapy & Coaching: ADHD rarely travels alone. It is often accompanied by anxiety or low self-esteem. Therapy can help your child process their feelings, while ADHD coaching can help them learn practical skills for organisation and time management.

An ADHD diagnosis is not a life sentence of failure. Many of the world's most successful entrepreneurs, artists, athletes, and problem-solvers have ADHD. Their brain wiring gives them gifts. They may be incredibly creative, fantastic at thinking outside the box, brilliant in a crisis, energetic, and have a wonderful sense of humour.

Your job is not to "fix" their ADHD. Your job is to help them understand their brain and build a life that plays to their strengths while supporting their weaknesses. With your love, understanding, and advocacy, they can thrive.

A Guide for Family & Friends

Supporting a loved one with fibromyalgia and/or ADHD can be challenging. Here are practical, science-backed ways you can offer meaningful support that truly makes a difference.

Be the Scribe

What to Do: During important appointments, offer to take notes for them. Write down key dates, instructions, and follow-up actions.

The Science Behind It: Both conditions impair working memory. Stress makes this worse. By taking notes, you are outsourcing this executive function, ensuring crucial information isn't lost.

Help 'Chunk Down' a Project

What to Do: Help them break an overwhelming task into tiny, manageable steps. Focus only on the very first step.

The Science Behind It: 'Chunking' bypasses task initiation problems in ADHD and prevents the cognitive and physical overwhelm that can trigger fibro flares.

Set Up a Central 'Command Centre'

What to Do: Help them put up a large whiteboard or noticeboard in a visible place for appointments, lists, and reminders.

The Science Behind It: This makes information persistent and visible, supporting a weak working memory ("out of sight is out of mind").

Become a 'Body Double'

What to Do: Simply be physically present while they do a boring or difficult task. You don't have to help; just be there.

The Science Behind It: The presence of another person provides gentle accountability and stimulation, aiding focus and reducing stress.

Use Voice Notes for Reminders

What to Do: If you're reminding them of something, send a voice note instead of a text.

The Science Behind It: A voice note is less effort to engage with than reading text, especially during brain fog or overwhelm.

Help Find Lost Items Without Judgment

What to Do: When they lose their keys or phone, help them look calmly. Turn it into a neutral, shared mission.

The Science Behind It: Stress and shame drastically worsen executive function. Your calm co-regulation helps soothe their nervous system, making it easier to recall information.

Manage a Shared Digital Calendar

What to Do: Set up a shared digital calendar and help them put appointments in it, complete with alerts for both of you.

The Science Behind It: This automates reminders and outsources the executive function of planning and remembering future events.

Be the 'Second Brain' for a Story

What to Do: When they lose their train of thought, gently prompt them with the part you remember.

The Science Behind It: This supports their working memory and reduces the social anxiety of "going blank" during conversations.

Learn the 'Spoon Theory'

What to Do: Understand they start each day with a finite amount of energy ('spoons') and every task costs spoons.

The Science Behind It: This helps you conceptualise their limited resources and shifts your mindset from "why are they so tired?" to "how can we best use their spoons today?".

Offer Specific, Closed-Ended Help

What to Do: Instead of "Let me know if you need anything," ask, "Can I pick up your prescription on Tuesday?".

The Science Behind It: A specific offer only requires a "yes" or "no," dramatically reducing the executive function and energy cost of asking for help.

Plan for Downtime

What to Do: When making plans, be the one to schedule rest breaks. Make it clear that leaving early is always an option.

The Science Behind It: This helps prevent the "boom and bust" cycle by preventing over-exertion, which can lead to post-exertional malaise in Fibromyalgia.

Be the Logistics Manager

What to Do: For an outing, offer to handle the logistics: "I'll book the tickets," "I'll check the parking."

The Science Behind It: Taking on the logistics offloads numerous executive function tasks and conserves their precious energy for the actual enjoyable part of the activity.

Create a 'Crash Kit' Together

What to Do: Help them assemble a kit for bad flare days with a heat pad, pain relief, easy snacks, and a water bottle.

The Science Behind It: During a flare, having a pre-made kit removes the need to think or search for things, reducing stress and allowing for immediate comfort.

Encourage Gentle Movement, Together

What to Do: Suggest a very gentle walk in nature or some simple stretching you can do together.

The Science Behind It: Doing it together provides motivation and reframes it as a pleasant shared activity rather than a chore.

Take on a single, Draining Chore

What to Do: Offer to take over one specific task that you know is particularly draining for them, like changing bedsheets or hoovering.

The Science Behind It: This can free up a significant amount of their physical and cognitive energy for the rest of the week.

Be an 'Energy Accountant'

What to Do: Gently help them keep track of their energy. "We've been at the shops for an hour, how are your spoons?"

The Science Behind It: Both conditions can make it hard to notice dwindling energy levels until it's too late. You can act as a supportive external monitor to help prevent a crash.

Be a Sensory 'Buffer'

What to Do: In loud, crowded places, physically stand between them and the main source of chaos or find a quieter corner.

The Science Behind It: This literally reduces the amount of overwhelming sensory information their brain has to process, preventing overload.

Normalise Sunglasses Indoors

What to Do: If they wear sunglasses in a brightly lit supermarket, don't question it. Maybe even agree with them.

The Science Behind It: For a sensitised nervous system, fluorescent lighting can be physically painful. Your acceptance removes the social anxiety of using a coping tool.

Stay Calm When They Are Not

What to Do: When they have a big emotional reaction, keep your own voice calm and your body language relaxed.

The Science Behind It: This is co-regulation. Your calm nervous system acts as a tuning fork for theirs, creating an environment of safety that helps them de-escalate.

Ask "What Does Support Look Like Right Now?"

What to Do: Instead of assuming, ask this simple question. Their needs can change from one hour to the next.

The Science Behind It: This question respects their autonomy and acknowledges the fluctuating nature of their symptoms (e.g., touch may be painful one moment and comforting the next).

Validate the Feeling, Not the Behaviour

What to Do: If they're upset about something that seems small, validate the emotion. "I can see you're really frustrated right now."

The Science Behind It: This is crucial for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). Validating the feeling calms the emotional centres of the brain.

Introduce a Weighted Blanket

What to Do: Suggest or gift them a weighted blanket.

The Science Behind It: Deep Pressure Stimulation can calm a hyper-aroused nervous system by triggering the release of calming neurotransmitters like serotonin.

Create a Low-Sensory Space

What to Do: Help them set up a corner of their home as a designated calm-down space with soft lighting and minimal clutter.

The Science Behind It: Having a pre-established sanctuary is a powerful coping strategy for sensory or emotional overwhelm.

Don't Take It Personally

What to Do: If they are irritable or cancel plans, remember it is the symptom, not the person.

The Science Behind It: Pain, fatigue, and overwhelm directly impact mood and social capacity. Understanding this preserves the relationship.

Make Double, Share Once

What to Do: When you're cooking a meal, make a double batch and drop a portion off for them.

Why It Works: Cooking requires energy and planning. A ready-made meal is a huge gift during a pain or fatigue flare.

Be the 'Bodyguard' at Social Events

What to Do: Stick with them and have a pre-arranged signal for when they need to leave. Be the one to make the excuses.

Why It Works: Acting as their 'exit strategy' removes the social anxiety and guilt of needing to leave an event early.

Help with a Reset Day

What to Do: Offer to come over for an hour to help them "reset" their space – help with dishes, laundry, or clutter.

The Science Behind It: A chaotic environment can increase stress. The energy required to tidy can be insurmountable. Your help provides a tangible reset.

Build Something for Them

What to Do: If they buy flat-pack furniture, offer to be the one who builds it.

The Science Behind It: Following complex instructions and the physical effort are exceptionally difficult with executive dysfunction and/or pain.

Run an Errand

What to Do: When you're heading out, text them: "I'm popping to the chemist, can I get you anything?".

The Science Behind It: This simple, specific offer saves them a journey that could cost them most of their energy for the day.

Research a Product for Them

What to Do: If they need a new product, offer to research it and send them a shortlist of 2-3 good options.

The Science Behind It: Product research is a huge executive function task. By narrowing the options, you do the heavy lifting.

Believe Them. Full Stop.

What to Do: When they tell you they are in pain or tired, believe them without question.

The Science Behind It: Your unconditional belief is the ultimate act of validation. It reduces the stress of having to 'prove' their struggle, which in itself can help alleviate symptoms.

Learn About Their Condition

What to Do: Take 20 minutes to read articles or watch a video from a reputable source about their condition(s).

The Science Behind It: This demonstrates that you care enough to be informed and helps you offer more effective and empathetic support.

Celebrate the 'Tiny' Wins

What to Do: Acknowledge their efforts. "That's amazing you managed to get the washing on today."

The Science Behind It: The dopamine system in the ADHD brain responds strongly to positive reinforcement. For Fibro, having their immense effort recognised is incredibly validating.

Ask How Their 'Spoons' Are

What to Do: Use their language. Asking "How are your spoons today?" shows you understand their energy is a finite resource.

The Science Behind It: Using the language they use to describe their own experience shows you have been listening and makes them feel deeply seen and understood.

Let Go of Unsolicited Advice

What to Do: Resist the urge to suggest cures you saw on the internet (e.g., "Have you tried yoga?").

The Science Behind It: They have likely heard it all. Unsolicited advice implies that they aren't trying hard enough, which can feel deeply invalidating.

Give Compliments on Who They Are

What to Do: Compliment their character, not their achievements. "You have such a kind heart," "You're so resilient."

The Science Behind It: Their sense of self-worth can become tied to what they can do. Reminding them that their value is inherent is a powerful antidote to shame.

Talk About Things Other Than Their Health

What to Do: Make sure you still talk about shared interests, hobbies, and funny stories. Let them be a person, not just a patient.

The Science Behind It: This helps them maintain their sense of identity outside of their illness and combats the isolation that chronic conditions can cause.

Just Listen

What to Do: Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is sit with them and just listen without trying to fix anything.

The Science Behind It: The simple act of compassionate listening can lower stress hormones and make a person feel less alone in the world. Human connection is a powerful modulator of pain.

Resource Library

Practical, printable, and shareable resources designed to help you understand your body, manage your energy, and advocate for yourself. Click to download a PDF.

Daily Pacing Worksheet

A daily planner based on "Spoon Theory" to help you balance activities and scheduled rest.

Here's the science behind it: Pacing prevents the 'boom and bust' cycle that repeatedly triggers Central Sensitisation. By staying within your energy limits, you avoid overloading your nervous system, which reduces pain and fatigue flares.

Mindful Movement Plan

A worksheet to help you gently and consistently introduce movement back into your life.

Here's the science behind it: Gentle, predictable movement helps to calm a hyper-sensitive nervous system. It teaches the brain it doesn't need to send pain signals in response to simple motion, effectively turning down the 'volume knob' on pain.

Sleep Routine Checklist

A simple log to track your sleep habits and identify patterns that help or hinder restful sleep.

Here's the science behind it: Fibromyalgia and ADHD disrupt the brain's ability to regulate sleep cycles. A consistent routine helps reset your internal body clock (circadian rhythm), promoting more restorative sleep which is vital for managing pain.

Symptom Cluster Tracker

Map the *type* and *location* of your symptoms to better understand your body's unique patterns beyond a simple 1-10 scale.

Here's the science behind it: This provides specific data to help you and your doctor identify the unique patterns of your Central Sensitisation. It creates a clearer picture of how your personal 'alarm system' is behaving.

Flare-Up Action Plan

Reduce decision-making when you're in pain. Fill this out on a good day to create a simple first-aid plan for tough days.

Here's the science behind it: During a flare, cognitive load from pain and fatigue is extremely high. This tool reduces 'decision fatigue' by having a pre-made plan, conserving precious mental energy when it's most scarce.

'Executive Function' Weekly Planner

A planner designed for the ADHD brain with space for priorities, a 'brain dump', and tracking 'small wins'.

Here's the science behind it: This works by 'externalising' your brain's management system. It provides a visual, structured scaffold to reduce the cognitive load of planning and organising, which the ADHD brain finds difficult and dopamine-draining.

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